Coping
by Magnus Glitter Bane Alec
Summary: Alec is crushed after Max's death but unlike the rest of his family he has no one to lean on, no one to help him cope with the loss. Or does he?
1. Coping

_Okay so this takes place in City of Glass after Max's death. Wow I haven't done anything but AU in a while so this is kind of weird but okay. This actually isn't a new idea though. This goes way back. It was actually one of the five first ideas I ever got for a fanfic. Right next to Wrong But Right, The Call and Fearless. But I never got to writing it before but I'm thinking that if I will really stop writing Malec fanfiction after the book comes out I need closure so here you go now. (By the way the fifth idea out of the first four will never be done because firstly I forgot my trail of thought for that one and secondly it has been done way too many times so just no.) Getting back to the point Here you go and hope you like it._

I silently watched Jace and Clary walk out of the room. Sighing as the door closed and I fell deeper into the chair, head resting in my hands. My head was starting to hurt from all the thoughts running through my mind.

He was my brother. Was. Not anymore. He's nothing anymore. Just...Dead.

It was hard to think about him. How I will never again get annoyed by his constant questions. Or smile a small smile finding him asleep on the stairs because the book was too interesting for him to wait until he comes to his room. He will never-

I felt tears burn behind my closed eyelids.

I won't cry; I thought trying to stop them from falling. I need to stay strong. I can't let myself cry. But no one is here. No one can see. There is no one I have to be brave for right now.

Still I couldn't let myself cry. Izzy is still in the house. And I still need to stay strong. I always need to be strong.

Willing the tears away I just continued sitting there. Lost in my thoughts and trying to get a grip on myself but not succeeding.

That was by brother. My baby brother. Someone I was supposed to protect. Someone who didn't even start his life before it was taken away from him. And no matter how strong I try to be that won't change. The fact that I will never see my baby brother again will not change. He's just…Gone. Completely gone. The mere thought hit me like a brick wall and after so many hours of trying to keep it together the tears finally started falling. Everything I was keeping in from the second I saw him limp and lifeless on the floor…All through the funeral…I was staying strong but I can't anymore. I can't. My baby brother is dead. He's gone. All gone.

Everyone else has someone to help them heal. Everyone but me. I'm just expected to stay strong for everyone. There is never someone to stay strong for me. Jace has Clary and Izzy has Simon. They will get through this. I have no one. I never do.

As the tears continued falling I started remembering. Remembering every time I found Max sleeping on any flat surface in the house. Every time I sent him away when I didn't have time for his questions. All the lost time. I punched the wall next to me. So stupid. How can I be so stupid? I never thought he will… I never… I continued crying but tried to stop, keeping as quiet as possible so that Izzy doesn't hear. I'm going to be fine. I just…I'm going to be fine.

The sound of cracking of flames filled the silence and for the first time in who knows how long I looked up. There was a paper on the coffee table in front of me. A paper with my name on it and blue flames that were slowly vanishing.

I just stared at it for a moment. Not believing what I see. Knowing from who it is but quite believing it's real.

When I finally picked it up there was only one sentence written down. But it left me staring again.

**Come to the gates.**

Before I could even comprehend what's happening I was already hurrying out of the door and through the streets of Idris. Mind buzzing.

"Alec." There was a relived whisper the second I got to the gates and stepped out of the city. A whisper followed by two hands pulling me into a warm embrace. An all too familiar scent wrapping around me and clearing my head a little for the first time since I saw max dead. But still the tears kept falling. They never stopped.

"Hey breathe darling. Just breathe. I'm here. I'm here." Magnus said soothingly rubbing a hand over my back, trying to calm me down as I held onto him tightly. "I heard what happened. I'm so sorry. I know how much you love your family and I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner."

I don't know how long he held me there. Just holding me close and whispering soothing words into my ear. But After a while I finally started calming down a little. Finally felt like I can breath again.

"It's okay." I spoke for the first time. My voice raspy and too tight but he didn't even do as much as flinch, just held me tighter. "I'm okay." I whispered even as I buried my face into his shoulder.

"You're not. I know you're not. But you're going to be." He pulled my head up so I can look at him and brushed the tears away with his finger softly, lovingly. "I know you Alexander. And I know that you are not as strong as you let people think you are. But I also know you are going to get through this. You are going to be okay. Maybe not right now but you will be."

I took a deep breath, tears finally beginning to slow down.

"Thank you." I said quietly, just enough for him to hear as I kept my eyes downwards, looking at the ground. "You didn't have to come, so…thank you."

I could feel him smile more then I could see it.

"No need for that." He said, still holding onto me just not as tightly as before. "I was worried and knew you will need someone there for you. You can't keep suffering in silence Alec. You can't."

"I know." I whispered softly, looking up at him again.

His eyes were soft as he looked at me and a hand found itself on my cheek. Cherishing it softly, making me lean onto the touch, eyes falling closed.

The kiss he pressing onto my lips then was soft and slow and full of love. Full of worry and love. My eyes getting closed more tightly at that. But it was also over too soon. He pulled away too soon but my lips followed and caught him into another sweet kiss. He didn't object but as we pulled away he let me go. Looking reluctant but still stepping away.

"I need to go back. Finish what I started." He said slowly. "I have a promise to keep." He looked regretful and I smiled. A small smile but still genuine.

"It's okay. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can." He pulled me in and kissed my forehead. "I never doubted that even for a second."

His lips lingered a second more then necessary and I marveled at the touch. Wishing that we could stay just like this but knowing we can't. It was nice to wish for a moment though. To forget everything and just wish.

"Goodbye Alexander." He whispered against my forehead before walking away, leaving me to watch him go with a heavy heart. Wishing it wasn't as complicated as it really is. Wishing I didn't see the sad and hurt expression on his face before he turned around. Wishing I wasn't as much of a coward as I really am. Just…Wishing.

After all what else is there after Max's death then to wish.

It all ends too fast. Everything can end in a flash; I thought as I watched him get swallowed up by the darkness as e got farther and farther away.

Maybe…Maybe it's time I stopped being a coward.

_Did you like it? Tell me what you think._

_So did I do good? I think this ended up so much better then it would have if I wrote it when I thought of it so I'm kind of proud of this one. Hopefully you liked it too. _

_Anyway there is a second chapter to this. It maybe won't be what you would expect but it will be good hopefully. So please follow. And tell me what you think about this one too._

_Review my lovelies._


	2. Epilogue

_Sorry for the wait and sorry if it sucks too but I really hope it doesn't. Anyway here you go, hope you like it._

My mind was still a mess as I was taking two stairs at a time, trying to get to my destination as fast as possible. The only thought on my mind the one of emptiness. How empty and hollow the Institute felt now. It was never warm or homey but it was still the only home I've know.

And now it just…isn't.

The Institute doesn't feel like home anymore. It was once filled with laughter and the sound of weapons clashing, child crying… It's empty now. Empty but the reminders are still that. And maybe just that was my breaking point.

The books, mangas and spare glasses where you last expect them to be. Under a coffee table in the main room, in the hallway on a chair, by the piano because everyone knows that Max loved to read next to Jace while he was playing.

Max.

It was all Max. Pictures and variety of objects reminding you of him were everywhere in The Institute. It's hard to forget. Hard to pretend you are okay if you are just walking around and finding new things that are his. Were; I reminded myself. They were his. Not anymore. There is no Max anymore.

And maybe that was the reason why I stuffed as much close as I could in the nearest bag and practically ran out of the door as fast as possible like something was haunting me. Well technically it was. Memories are haunting me there. Too many memories. Too much Max. And right now I can't take it. I need a distraction. I need to get away.

The click of the door opening made me look up for the first time since I walked out of The Institute only an hour after we got back to it from Idris. It was too much to stay longer.

Now seeing worry and understanding on the only person I wanted to see right now I knew I made the right decision by coming here.

Magnus said nothing as he took me in, all hunched and with a duffle bag slung over my shoulder, standing on his doorway surely looking as much as a mess as I felt at the moment. There was a pause of a few heartbeats while we just looked at each other, my mind already thinking how he will send me packing now that I was finally able to think. It only took seeing him for my mind to clear a bit. But from the thoughts that brought me it didn't seem as a good thing at the moment. Even after everything that happened in Allicante my mind still kept going to a bad place. I still kept thinking he will finally see how boring I am and send me away. But now as always I swallowed my insecurities away as best I could and just waited. It didn't take long for long arms to be around me and my head pillowed against his shoulder comfortingly.

"That bad ha?" Magnus's voice was low and soft but he continued without letting me to answer. "I understand love. You can stay as long as you want. Hell, you can move in as much as I'm concerned."

I chucked at that, not knowing if he's serious if not but finding it comforting how he knew immediately, how he didn't even ask anything but just knew. That's not something a lot of people can do when it comes to me. Everyone says I'm an open book yet no one bothers to 'read it'. To see into me but somehow, for some unbelievable reason Magnus does. And Magnus sees.

"He's everywhere." I said as he sat us both on the couch as drew soothing circles on my back while my eyes stayed on the floor.

"I know." He said, still softly. "It will get better though. It just takes time. And tea. Would you like some tea?"

I found a small smile stretching my lips for the first time since we came back. Loving that he is trying. Loving how easy he can actually distract me just by being there. Just loving him.

I looked up, seeing nothing but love and concern in those gold and green eyes. "I'd love some."

He smiled and that was enough for now somehow.

Everything still hurt and my head was still a mess but Magnus is trying and he is making it better by just being there.

At that moment I knew I will be fine.

Somehow I will be fine.

Not right now. Magnus is right, I need time after all. But Magnus is here and he will help and it will be fine. Somehow I will be fine.

I will.

_Did you like it? Tell me what you think._

_Its short but I'm done. This story is officially over and I have no more new things to write. Just finish the old ones now. So yeah I hope you liked this and will tell me what you think. I would really appreciate that._

_So please review my lovelies._


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